Everybody's Trying To Be My Baby
by Sara Goodfellow
Summary: "Well Harry, it's time for Quidditch practice so...You're going to have to leave the room and..." Ron trailed off. "And face the mob of crazed women." Harry finished. He gulped. "OK." Harry, Ron, Neville, Dean,and Seamus run into Harry's fun club and barely make it out alive. An exagerated version of Harry's fan girls in the 6th book


**Author's Note: Ok so this isn't my best work, but I think it's pretty funny. It's completely exaggerated but I wrote it a long time and wanted to put it up eventually. It's still funny though :) **

Harry ran into the boy's dormitory and crashed headfirst into Ron who was cursing on the ground while Harry ranted on about something that was trying to kill him.

"They're after me!" He yelled. "They're-".

But he was interrupted by an angry looking Ron. "Bloody hell mate! You could've killed me!" He shouted.

"They're everywhere." Harry panted. "Neville stayed to guard, a true warrior." He said proudly.

Everyone in the room jumped up.

"Is it you-know-who and his followers?" Seamus shouted.

"Is it Dementors?" yelled Dean.

"The girls," Harry said still panting. "They're everywhere."

Dean and Seamus looked quite shocked.

"They keep coming up to me and asking if I want to go to Hogsmede with them and every time I talk they giggle." Harry said in a pained voice.

"And that's bad because…" Seamus questioned looking at Harry as if He were mad.

"They ambush me in small spaces!" He shouted.

Ron glared at him. "So you come running upstairs and almost kill me!" He yelled at him. "I almost fell down the stairs! I could've died!" He said giving Harry a deep look of hurt.

"They cornered me at the end of transfiguration. I had nowhere to run." Harry said with a crazed look in his eyes.

"Harry," Dean said gently "calm down."Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "You're the chosen one Harry; girls are going to want to go out with you." He said in a soothing voice.

"But that doesn't mean they have to ambush me!" Harry yelled.

Seamus exchanged a look with Dean. "Mate, I think you're overreacting. You're acting as if they're death eaters." He said giving Harry a pat on the back and looking at him sadly. Ron nodded his head in agreement.

"No offense mate, but if I could get girls that easily I would probably be-"

"Running away with Granger, we know." Dean said dismissively."Ginny's told me all about your relationship."

Ron looked horrified. "That's not- We don't-Were not-" Ron spluttered.

Everyone ignored him and turned their attention back on Harry. "How can you fight he-who-must-not-be-named and then be afraid to face a couple of girls?" Seamus asked raising an eyebrow.

Harry looked at him as if he were crazy. "It's not just a couple girls!" He shouted and received a couple glares from the boys for being so loud. "There's millions! They corner me; chase me down the corridors- Small spaces!" Harry said giving them a wild look. He was receiving several scared looks from the boys because his eyes had glazed over and he looked a bit on the crazy side.

"Well Harry, it's time for Quidditch practice so...You're going to have to leave the room and..." Ron trailed off.

"And face the mob of crazed women." Harry finished. He gulped. "OK." he said breathing deeply.

"You can do this Harry!" Seamus said encouragingly.

"I can do this." Harry repeated confidently."I can do this, I can do this, I can do this..." and with every can do this he seemed to think more about what he was facing and got less and less confident. Dean gave him a reassuring pat on the back. He could do this. He took another deep breath and looked at the boys.

"We'll go with you." Dean said. "You know, in case it gets out of hand." he said and Harry nodded. He felt like he was going into war, a great big female war.

Neville emerged from the stair case looking as though he had just been in a fight for his life. He was limping and his arm was tied in a sling with his tie. They went over to help him walk to the chair he was trying to get to.

"I put a shield charm on the entrance to the staircase. They were grabbing and shoving me and I thought that would be the end, right there." when Neville was done speaking he was gasping for breath and they actually thought he was running out of air. He started coughing and felt the floor.

Yeah, and they make a big deal about boys being "untrustworthy".

"Neville, I know this is a lot to ask considering what you've already done, but could you guard me on the way to Quidditch practice? You'd only have to guard one side of me because Ron, Dean and Seamus are also guarding." Harry said.

Neville stood up little shakily and said "As long as I don't have to wait for them." He said eying the stair case. "The charm won't stay on long so we better move quickly."

Harry took yet another deep breath and ran down the stairs with Ron, dean, Seamus and Neville right behind him. A mob of girls were waiting for him at the end of the staircase and all started screaming things like "OMG OM-FREAKEN-G!" and "Get away! HE'S MINE!"

He definitely couldn't do this.

Seamus had jumped in front of him before a 4th year could attach herself to his sleeve while Dean was covering the back trying to get girls to let go of Harry and stop screaming. Ron had moved to the right side and Neville on the left. The girls were trying to break through the circle Ron, Dean, and Seamus had made around Harry. It was like an insane game of red rover.

For Neville, it was hard to walk so he had been given a stick Seamus had picked up in the forbidden forest during a care of magical creature's lesson last year to use as a walking stick. He was waving the stick wildly around in the air and using it to ward of the girls.

When they reached the Fat Lady Ron, Seamus, Dean and Neville faced the girls while Harry stepped out of the portrait followed by Seamus, then Dean and Neville, and a beat up looking Ron.

They took turns holding the portrait shut (except Neville because he was on the ground and Seamus was trying to help him sit up) while each of them recovered. And that's when the girls burst through the portrait.

"You weren't kidding mate!" Ron shouted at a traumatized looking Harry. They were currently running down the corridor to the Quidditch pitch since there was nothing to hold back the girls anymore. It must have looked strange, seeing 5 boys (or rather 4 considering Dean was carrying Neville the whole way) running down the corridor with a mob of screaming fan girls chasing after them.

After one of the fan girls had tried to jump on Dean's back he had fallen down leaving Neville sprawled across the floor with his leg at an odd angle. Ron had grabbed the stick from him and fought off the girl that had jumped on Deans back while Seamus picked up Neville and fought off more girls trying to get to Harry.

After a long while of screaming (not just from the girls) they had gotten away by Ron shouting "Look over there! It's Victor Krum!"and they took off running to the Quidditch pitch.

"I'm never going to whine about not getting enough attention ever again." Ron panted once they were safely inside the locker room, the door bewitched so it couldn't open to any unlocking spells.

"Agreed." Seamus and Dean choked out.

Before they went to the Quidditch pitch they had taken Neville to the hospital wing. He had abroken arm and leg and a sprained ankle.

What a woman could do to you.

"It's not over." Harry said to them.

Ron's jaw dropped and Seamus almost fell to the ground but Dean grabbed him.

"It's the same on the way back. No matter how late you stay, they watch you." He said with another crazed look. All of them nodded and gaped at him.

"They're animals Harry! How do you survive?" Seamus said in disbelief.

"I don't even know." Harry said with yet another crazed look.

"I don't even know".


End file.
